Should we elope? Our top 5 important decisions to consider.
Eloping isn’t for everyone, so how do you know if it’s a good fit for you? It’s important to weigh up your options before deciding how to celebrate your day.
What is an elopement?
Traditionally, eloping meant running away secretly to marry, especially without your parents knowing. These days eloping has developed and moved away from the qualms of parental consent to focus more on celebrating your love for each other in a more intimate and intentional way. Eloping has become increasingly more popular with couples tying-the-knot, paving the way for more creative celebrations. In this article, we’re taking things one step further and considering whether a more outdoor focused elopement is right for you.
How we can help you elope.
If you already know Kahli and I, you’ll likely know our story and how we chose to elope. If you aren’t familiar, check out our story, and take a peek at how we built our own special day with a heli-accessed, private, remote, mountain-top ceremony in the heart of the Southern Alps in New Zealand. Having eloped ourselves, we know first hand the decisions that are made, the considerations along the way and the impact it can have on your friends and family around you. It’s a day that we’ll forever look back on and know that it really was the perfect way for us to celebrate our adventure, in our own way.
When we chose to elope, we had no idea at the time that we would be where we are today with Wild Alpine Image Co. We’ve lived the decisions you are facing and can offer some advice from a place of a real understanding and appreciation of the pressures you are feeling.
How to decide to elope.
Having spent a decade together, traveling the world, living and working seasonally in both hemispheres we really stepped back to take in the bigger picture with our decision to elope. Our approach was practical and felt right for us. From our journey and experience, we thought it would be a great idea to shine a light on our decision making process with some pros and cons for eloping, in the hope to help make your decision an easier one. It’s likely that some of these decisions will impact each other and will carry a different weight for every couple. With that said, in no particular order, here are 5 of the most important decisions to consider when choosing to elope.
1. Guests
A topic we hear a lot about is “the guest list”. Whilst your guest list is made up of your family and friends, there to support you and witness your ceremony, ultimately a decision that you will need to make is whether you want to have an audience for your celebration. This is a very personal decision and something that you need to be patient with and think through carefully. You’ll go back and forth with this decision, guided by your emotions and the constant input and ideas from close family and friends. For us, this decision was tied into other factors which we’ll discuss a little later on.
Taking in the bigger picture for your celebration, if you both feel the need for social interaction, proximity of familial support and quite simply, the presence of others then we suggest you opt for a larger, more traditional celebration. On the other hand, if you want every element of the day to be about you, you both feel comfortable without support, and the presence of others will neither add nor detract from your ceremony then eloping is starting to sound like a good fit for you both.
2. Cost
This is often a nail biting aspect of weddings and in some cases, can quickly add up to a down payment on a house, however eloping doesn’t always mean it’s cheaper. Whether you are eloping or having a more traditional wedding, the most important aspect of cost is to get a figure down on paper that you are comfortable spending. Once you have a rough idea, the fun really starts. Now you can start exploring how far your money will stretch and what the “feel” of that celebration will be.
If you feel that you have a smaller budget or simply that you want to spend less, this is where eloping can become a little more attractive to couples. Whilst it’s normal to sacrifice the larger guest list, you will open up more flexibility and the option for an intimate ceremony. If you feel that you have a larger budget, you’ll want to factor in our other 4 considerations to help add clarity to your final decision as a larger budget can offer far more flexibility for both traditional and elopement style celebrations.
3. Customization
Don’t get sucked into thinking this is all about the style of flowers you have, the colour of the groomsmen’s suits or the flavour of the cake. We’re thinking a little bit more outside of the box here. If you are wanting a more traditional ceremony then there will be certain compromises that you won’t be able to get around and this is where eloping can actually allow more freedom with certain elements.
On your search for your perfect wedding venue, there’s a good chance you’ll have a pros and cons list for each and ultimately you’ll settle on a venue that doesn’t have it all. Commonly, it’s a fantastic indoor space that doesn’t quite have the back drop to match. Sometimes, you’ll love the outdoor setting but struggle to see the potential of the indoor ceremonial space.
By comparison, in our elopements, the ceremonial “indoor space” and the outdoor backdrop exist in unison. You can hand pick the landscape you want to stand in and the views you wish to have for your celebration. This is the kind of customization that really gets us excited. With over 190,000 square kilometers to explore in the Canadian Rockies alone, we’re convinced you really will find the perfect “venue”.
As a couple, if you like the idea of flexibility and being able to design all of the elements of your day then eloping should feel like a natural choice.
4. Accessibility
This one can be a pretty straight forward decision and usually follows other considerations. For example, if you decide on a more traditional wedding, you’ll likely have access by car, taxi or shuttle bus for your guests. In contrast, if you decide to elope you’ll be facing just a few more options and can often choose one that resonates more with you as a couple.
Are you avid hikers? Would you prefer to roll up to your ceremony on your mountain bikes? Fancy sliding on skis or a snowboard to and from your ceremony? How about taking to the lake in a canoe? If they weren’t exciting enough you could always take to the skies in a helicopter, like we did.
A big part of what you envision here will revolve around the people you plan on including. If a larger guestlist is an important factor then you’ll need to ensure that everyone can access the location. In contrast, if you are planning for just the two of you, you can really hone in on something more suited for you.
For example, for ourselves, we decided on helicopter access as we knew it would be just the two of us (plus commissioner, photographer and witnesses to make it legal).
5. Travel
This consideration isn’t for everyone but we feel it will fit more than most and it certainly factored into our decision making. A lot of couples these days travel far and wide to find each other and as you would expect there’s some challenging geographical distances between families and friends. Now, if you’ve already decided that you have no guest list and you’re eloping then feel free to skip ahead.
If you’re still undecided on your guestlist then lets play a scenario through. If, like we were, you’re facing some big decisions surrounding “should we marry in your home town/country or mine?” then this may help. This is one of those considerations where you will cycle through your options multiple times, getting no closer to a decision.
By combining the decision of “where” with a larger guest list (or even close family and friends over large distances), then the travel and cost factor starts to climb, not just for you but for your guests too. Our approach was to eliminate complications and bring our ceremony back to the roots of it’s purpose; for us to celebrate our love for each other. This factor really helped us fine tune our day and brought the reality of eloping alive in an easy and stress free decision.
Still not sure?
Regardless of whether you choose to elope or have a more traditional ceremony you should always step back and look at what each decision will influence, for good and for bad. One thing that we always wanted to make sure was that we would be able to share our experience with our families as and when we could. We’re a little more geographically challenged than most, with family in Australia, the UK, a ceremony in New Zealand and residency in Canada we had to do things differently.
Our approach to bringing the details and the feel of our elopement to our friends and families was to make sure we had a great photographer to capture our day so we could share our breathtaking experience. We were able to share our photos and catch up with our families within the following couple of months as we continued our travels around the world. Whilst this isn’t for everyone, remember that you need to celebrate in the best way that works for you.
You shouldn’t feel guilty if you both want your day to be 100% about you. Having a more intimate celebration that you hand pick the details for is a sure way to do this. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you only plan to do this once and at the end of the day, the choice to elope is yours to make.
Having been in your shoes, we know it’s not easy so take your time and we hope this gives you more confidence to move forwards with your special day.
Kahli & Leo
Wild Alpine Image Co.
If you have decided to elope and are wondering what’s next, take a look at 7 steps to plan your elopement.